Dear No One,
I’ve always been the type of person where you could always tell the day I’ve had based on the music I turn on when I get home. Let me explain.
During my angsty preteen years I would come home from school, drop everything I was carrying, and walk into my room. My mom would stand outside my bedroom door and she would wait anxiously to see what album I’d turn on. If it was something like say GroupLove it was usually safe to enter. Anything else ranging from Adele to Paramore she’d give me a couple of hours to work it out on my own. My 11 year old self would come home and write, usually about a boy, some crazy shit in a beat up notebook that said “Keep Out” on the front in a sharpie marker. Like, the day I found out Taylor Lautner had a girlfriend. I came home and ripped all of his posters off the wall to the song, Crush by Paramore. Dramatic I know. What can I say? I am a Scorpio. Whatever that means.
I know that could be the case for anyone, it usually is. It’s so funny to look back and think I thought I was so misunderstood when I would wear my emotions on my latest iPod playlist that my mom, sister, and I shared.
Currently, I’m listening to All I Want by Kodaline. It’s from their album In A Perfect World. And I am writing to all of you. Yes, all three of you who actually read my blogs, hello, I appreciate you. Here I am writing to this and, frankly I don’t know what the fuck it is that I am supposed to say to all of you. I know in the past I’ve offered advice or told you my take on things. But here I am, alone in my room… it’s currently 11:35 P.M. and I have no idea what I’m supposed to say. I portray this all-together person on social media (or at least I try to) and I tell everyone that they should love themselves no matter what because you truly are all beautiful… but here I am thinking about a comment a random stranger said to me at a gas station today.
“You want to share some of that sandwich?”
“Sorry, no.”
“Why? It’s not like you need all of it.”
Yes. That happened, and I’m allowing it to take up every vacant space in my brain. As I sit here and tweet things like, “You are too special to allow anyone to have second thoughts.” Or “I love you. You’re brilliant.” How can I sit here and say things like that when I look at myself and I don’t like who I see? When I allow someone I don’t even know to hurt my feelings to this extent? Who do I think I am? Some could say I’m a hypocrite. And the thing is, it’s not like I’m lying. I do think everyone is beautiful (everyone besides me.) And that’s how a lot of you feel too some days. So, hypocrite? Maybe. I’m also human, and so are you! I fucking admire you all. Stop selling yourself short when you bring so much to the table. You are you and I love you for all of it. The good, the bad, and the dirty. I truly do. Don’t ever stop being you.
And for fucks sake, have a little empathy for yourselves too. Some of you are so hard on yourselves. (myself included) Thank you for reading. I’ll be back before you know it. I love you because you’re you, and you are worthy.
Sincerely,
Jordan.