Dear No One,
Hate is a strong word. I don’t actually hate it anywhere. I’ve just fallen into, what, feels like this horrific mundane schedule.
9:45 am: wake up.
10:15 am: Shower.
10:45 am: Breakfast.
11:15 am: TV time.
12:50 pm: Bus.
2 pm: Work.
10 pm: Home.
11pm to 12 am: Sleep or phone catch-up from the day.
1 am: Maybe a movie.
This is my life. Every day. It can feel like torture. I try to switch things up and do something, anything that will make my day a little different. But even those little things somehow just all become apart of the routine. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the things I already have. I have a good job that keeps me fed, clothes on my back, a nice place to live. But, it’s always just this.
It feels like it’ll always just be this.
As of lately, I’ll feel myself just kind of slipping into the background because of it. I have nothing new to report. Nothing new to say. I’ll reconnect with some old friends, and after the first initial introductions I feel myself saying the same things over and over.
“Hey, how are you?”
“What’s been going on with you?”
“same old, same old.”
I’ll feel myself contributing less and less to the conversation and the people around me. I’ll start to sink into my own thoughts, begin to zone out. Eventually, I’ll be pulled back to the present and I’ll have to remind myself to remain there. Each time I find it gets harder and harder to do just that, and that terrifies me.
So, I think I’m going try to do something to switch things up. I’m not sure what it is yet. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
I’m open to suggestions.