Dear No One,
Fuck Valentine’s day. I mean it. The whole institution of it all is dumb as hell. Like don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m this bitter single person who has given up on finding my person or whatever. I love love. I enjoy seeing when things work out for people and other people are happy. I thrive off of that shit, and because of that I’ve usually been very indifferent to the holiday. But, for whatever reason this year I’m just over it. And it’s because I’ve been feeling so strongly about it that I feel like this is rock bottom. Let me explain.
I know it’s a little early to be getting in a huff over it, but today I saw all the decorations in Target and it just set my teeth on edge. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. Just the heart shaped boxes, the stupid little cards, it made me see red. Literally, the whole section was different shades of reds and pinks. I saw a person awkwardly reading cards for their person. They were anxiously flipping through countless cards that ideally all say the same thing. But for whatever reason they had to find the right one, the perfect one. For what? It’s just going to end up at the bottom of a junk drawer somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, the thought is super sweet and I always appreciate when someone is kind enough to get me a nice card but it’s all just seems kind of pointless.
Then, as I stood watching this person realizing how irritated I was I seriously had to ask myself, “What is your fucking problem?” Why do I care about how this person wants to spend their time? Why am I even upset at all about the holiday in general? Why is it affecting me to the point where I’m fully ready to make a scene if the wrong person looks at me? I’ve never been bothered before about any of this. Why now? What gives?
To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Maybe it was because it was a little colder outside today. Maybe I heard a song that kind of turned me off to all of it. Maybe, and I’m just spit balling here, things have been going kind of well for me lately and I’ve just been waiting with my finger on the self destruct because god forbid my life be harmonious for a fraction of a second so for whatever reason I decided to let this one tiny thing bother me so much that I chose to write a whole blog about it and let it ruin my mood. I honestly couldn’t tell you.
The point is, I felt like I hit rock bottom today. Once I realized that I was indeed being the bitter single who hates the holiday for couples because it’s the one day a year that I’m not included, I felt like a I needed some serious self-reflection. And that my friends, kind of feels like growth.
I don’t know, maybe I’m full of shit. Thank you for reading. I’ll be back before you know it.
Sincerely,
Jordan.